Star Gazing

I am currently teaching on Earth and the solar system in my Science class. Today we were discussing how enormous and immeasurable our universe is. I am fascinated with the vastness of space. We as a civilized people cannot even explore the farthest reaches of our solar system, much less beyond it. We know there is more out there and yet we will never even get to fully explore planetary bodies in our system. The number of stars is in the billions. And then there are the other objects that orbit the sun in space.

Our knowledge is so limited. We are so small. And as I took Kirby out tonight to go potty, I looked up. I had to just stop and stare. As a busy grown-up, I rarely take time to stop and appreciate something as simple and sublime as a starry sky. And as I stood there with my head tilted back, I was reminded of Isaiah 40:26, where Isaiah recorded: Lift up your eyes on high and see: who created these? He who brings out their host by number, calling them all by name, by the greatness of his might, and because he is strong in power not one is missing.

I identify with David's question in Psalm 8:3-4: When I look at your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is man that you are mindful of him, the son of man that you care for him?

In a universe that enfolds billions of stars that God has placed and calls by name, He has also placed you and me. And He knows our name. Not only that, but He knows the number of hairs on our heads, He has kept count of our tossings, and stored our tears in a bottle. (Read your Psalms if you don't believe me!) Our God - the God of our gargantuan universe - knows each of us. He knows our hearts desires, our deepest darkest shames, the farthest most recesses of our souls. He knows it all. And that just blows my mind.

We serve a BIG God. The adjective "BIG" doesn't even begin to do justice to His greatness. There are not enough adjectives in all languages combined to appropriately attribute to God how great He is. So with my small words and limited vocabulary, I say, "Wow! My God, how great You are!"

C.S. Lewis' Words

My daily reading from "A Year with C.S. Lewis" was from his book "Mere Christianity." He wrote: The Second Person in God, the Son, became human Himself: was born into the world as an actual man - a real man of a particular height, with hair of a particular colour, speaking a particular language, weighing so many stone. The Eternal Being, who knows everything and who created the whole universe, became not only a man but (before that) a baby, and before that a fetus inside a woman's body. If you want to get the hang of it, think how you would like to become a slug or a crab.

I do not think Lewis is comparing man to a slug, but rather what it must be like to go from being a creature such as ourself to something like that. Though not a perfect analogy to God coming to earth through Christ, still, the point is well made.

Not So Random Thinking

As I was folding laundry this morning, the words from our pastor's message on Sunday popped into my head. I was reminded of what he said about how God seeks us out. He came to earth and dwelt with the people for whom He would later die. No other religion has a deity that sought to get close to the people, much less put on the flesh of creation to be even closer. It should blow our minds that God came to earth and became His own creation.
Sadly, I realized how much I take God for granted. I know that He is always there, so I think subconsciously I choose to pay attention to other things because I know God isn't going anywhere. I take for granted the fact that He sought me out. He loves me and has had His hand on my life for as long as I can remember. Even through my rebellious stages and living with loose morals, He protected me. Because of my foolish decisions, my life could be very damaged. But it is not. And I 100% believe it is because God chose to intervene and shield me from the possible repercussions of my sin.
Yet, I still take Him for granted. The thought makes me wag my head in shame. During this season of recalling Christ's coming to earth and his subsequent death and resurrection, I want to rejoice in His love over me. Zephaniah said in 3:17 that God rejoices over me with gladness, he quiets me with His love; and He exults over me with loud singing. I want to return that to Him.
The rejoicing of Habakkuk is mine: "Yet I will rejoice in the Lord; I will take joy in the God of my salvation. God, the Lord, is my strength; he makes my feet like the deer's; he makes me tread on my high places." 3:18-19.

Jesus' Disciples

I love Good Friday - it is a day that reminds of an event that I ought to be reminded of every day. And that is Jesus' death. It's kind of funny that the last 2 years, Good Friday weather is gorgeous, and then Easter Sunday is gloomy. It seems like it should be the other way around. Anyhow, I digress.

I was looking back at my journal from last year on Good Friday, and thought I would share what I gleaned last year. I read from Matt. 26:20-25 (and it appears again in Mark 14:17-21). To summarize, Jesus announced to His disciples that one of them would betray Him. But their response was not "It's not going to be me!" (except Peter later one). No, they responded with, "Is it I, Lord?" They didn't know their own heart and devotion to Jesus well enough to know if they would betray Jesus. They weren't over confident, either, and knew that even though they loved Jesus, they just might be capable of betraying Him.

And then Judas, who knew his own heart, plays along and asks the same question. But Jesus didn't send him away. Judas continued to stay. And Jesus still included Judas in the Lord's Supper. Wow.

After Jesus' arrest, the disciples ran and hid and Peter denied knowing Him. Amazing, how when pressed and under threat, even the disciples of Jesus - who had been with Him for the last 3 years and seen so many mircaulous events - caved. I wonder how much guilt and shame they felt once they realized what they had done. We know how Peter reacted in Matt. 26:75.

But I cannot fault the disciples. Lord only knows how I would likely have done the same. It was supposed to be that way. Scripture had to be fulfilled.

Happy Easter!

I'm an ass

Yes. I am stubborn and stupid. That's what I'm discovering as I am going through some spiritual discovery. I am an absolute mess. I know more and more the anguish Paul was expressing in Romans 7:15-24. It's a constant battle between spirit and flesh. I am also realizing I have trust issues. I don't want to be fickle in my affections for the Lord. I want my heart to be stirred for Him. I don't understand my own ways. I trust God for eternity, but not for the "right now." WHY?? I have no reason to distrust Him.

I am tired of pretending and performing. God doesn't care about that. I can try and perform all I want, that is not going to change my heart and transform me spiritually. I have used and abused the lover of my soul. I live as an orphan rather than a daughter of the King. I have been invited into the palace and am standing outside the door (as Andrew Murray puts it).

It is absolutely piercing my heart that I am nowhere near where I thought I was with God. My weaknesses and idols are being revealed and it is painful! Where is all this coming from? Well, two places. I have been reading John Owen's "Mortification of Sin" and my small group is going through a curriculum from church called "Gospel Centered Life." Funny, though, how they are complementing each other and really driving home to me a lot of the same points.

And then, Andrew Murray, in Absolute Surrender, nails the reason, I think, behind my issues. He wrote:

No doubt you have never regretted responding to His call and coming to Him. You experienced that His Word was truth; all His promises He fulfilled; He made you a partaker of the blessings and the joy of His love. His welcome was heartfelt, His pardon full and free, His love most sweet and precious, was it not? You more than once, at your first coming to Him, had reason to say, "The half was not told me."

And yet you have had some disappointment. As time went on, your expectations were not always realized The blessings you once enjoyed were lost; the love and joy of your first meeting with your Savior, instead of deepening, have become faint and weak. And you have often wondered why, with a such a mighty and loving Savior, your experience of salvation was not a fuller one.

The answer is very simple. You wandered from Him. The blessings He bestows are all connected with His "Come to me," and are only to be enjoyed in close fellowship with Him. You either did not fully understand, or did not rightly remember, that the call meant "Come to me and remain with me." This was His object and purpose when He first called you to Himself. It was not to refresh you for a few short hours after your conversion with the joy of His love and deliverance, and then to send you forth to wander in sadness and sin.

No, indeed, He has prepared for you an abiding dwelling with Himself, where your whole life and every moment of it might by spent and where the work of your daily life might be done as you enjoy unbroken communion with Him. Who would be content, after seeking the King's palace, to stand in the door, when he is invited in to dwell in the King's presence and share with Him in all the glory of His royal life? Let us enter in and abide and enjoy fully all the rich supply His wondrous love has prepared for us!

This just floors me! It reveals my propensity to wander and pursue my own ways instead of God's. It also lets me know what is needed more: and that is an abiding fellowship with God. I want that. I often lack the discipline to make that a priority - which is something else I don't understand, but want to alter.

I don't want to be an ass.

Snapshot of Salvation

I have been trying to be faithful to doing daily Bible reading and journaling - but note the operative word "try." I have not been as successful as I would like. But, I am keeping at it, even though I am technically 2 weeks behind the Bible reading plan.

The section I read today was Isaiah 52-57. I love Isaiah. I can't read it without stumbling across something that jumps out at me. Today's was 57:17-19. It gives a concise snapshot of salvation. It reads:

Because of the iniquity of his (Israel's) unjust gain I was angry, I struck him; I hid my face and was angry, but he went on backsliding in the way of his own heart. I have seen his ways, but I will heal him; I will lead him and restore comfort to him and his mourners, creating the fruit of the lips. Peace, peace, to the far and to the near," says the Lord, "and I will heal him."

The reason I see this as a snapshot of salvation is because it tells us what we were: sinners; backsliders going our own way; following our own desires. It also tells us what God did: He saw all this, and healed and restored us anyway. He provided His son, Jesus, to bring us back to Him. He greets us with "peace," or 'shalom.' And this welcome is extended to the near and the far.

It just reminded me of how much I don't deserve God's favor, and how thankful I am that He bestows it anyway.

I wish I could think like Andrew Murray

I was getting ready for bed, and every (okay, almost every) night I read from "The Andrew Murray Daily Reader." If you don't know who Andrew Murray is, he was the son of South African missionaries, who himself became a minister and lived in South Africa in the 1800's. His writings are so insightful, and there are things there I would never think on my best day. There is something about some of the writers from the earlier generations. They seemed to have so much insight into God and His Word. Many a wonderful book was written during those times.

Anyhow, the reading for tonight was one that I have read before because I am on my second read-through of this book. It contains excerpts from several of his books. Tonight's was from The Believer's Daily Renewal. Murray wrote: Humankind was created for fellowship with God. . . But sin robbed us of this fellowship. . . It was this fellowship that Christ came to restore; to bring back God His lost creatures. . .The power to maintain close fellowship with God all day will depend entirely upon the intensity with which we seek to secure it in the hour of secret prayer. . .Of course, there is the danger of substituting prayer and Bible study for fellowship with God. True fellowship is giving your love, your heart, and your life to Him and receiving from Him His love, life, and Holy Spirit. . .Your Bible study may so pique your interest and so awaken pleasant feelings that the Word of God may become a substitute for God Himself. If this happens, we will go out into the day's work without the power of an abiding fellowship because in our morning devotions the blessing was not secured.

I know that's long, but there was more I left out. But, it really struck me when I read it, because I feel like that's what I quite often do - I am more concerned with getting my "Bible time" in, rather than spending a few quiet moments with God alone and enjoying the fellowship that comes from Him - not just reading His Word. I have never viewed my Bible study time as dangerous. It's supposed to be a good thing. But I can see Murray's point, that it could become a substitute for the fellowship with God. I do not want to deceive myself and think that I have had fellowship with God just because I have read a few verses from Scripture.

I wonder what kind of difference I would see and experience in my day if I sought fellowship with God in the morning instead of just making sure I got in some Bible reading. My Bible study can come later - but God has to come first.

This Peace

I am glad it's Saturday. The morning is cool and still. Time in God's Word was insightful and wonderful as usual.

This was a tough week. I was really feeling the weight of my world. Thursday, I broke a little. Thoughts of not having Momma, hormones, and a feeling of being completely overwhelmed at work caused the floodgates to burst. I kept myself together as long as I could, but could no longer restrain the tears at faculty meeting. Tears that I could not stop freely flowed down my face. I bolted. Fortunately, I am in a very supportive work environment and two of my co-workers/friends chased me down to make sure I was okay. I just needed some time to recollect myself, so I came home. By the time small group arrived, I was fine. The evidence remained, but the tears themselves were gone.

I kept telling myself that it was ridiculous to be crying, but I guess we sometimes need those moments of release. It felt very cleansing, or 'cathartic,' as my friend Amy put it. I am thankful for God's comfort and peace. Music, I think, is one of those comforts. Using what others have found in God, and sharing it through lyric and musical composition. One of those songs is "This Peace" by Sara Groves. I love the words: It's a mystery appeal that's been granted me tonight; This peace; This peace.

It was exactly that on Thursday: an appeal to Almighty God that was granted, and is still being felt.

p.s. - Michele, I miss you! I know you completely understand these emotions that just surprise us!!!

Heart and Tongue Connection

I must need to learn more about the connection between our heart and tongue, because every time I read Scripture about it, and I nod and think, "YES!", I have to honestly say that it is not so easily implemented.

I was reading tonight from Psalm 140-146. In 141:3-4, David prays that God would set a guard over his mouth, and to not let his heart be inclined to any evil. My brain synapses started firing and recalling numerous Scripture references that talk about the heart and tongue issue. The first is Jesus Himself. In Matthew 12:34, He blasted the Pharisees, and told them that "out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks." Proverbs 4:23 admonishes, "Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life."

Our hearts are so important to God. We are instructed to "love the Lord your God with your whole heart." I have to wonder, that if I truly did that, would I have such a problem with my tongue? Would it really be the "restless evil, full of deadly poison" as referred to in James 3:8? Jeremiah said in 17:9, that the heart is deceitful above all things. So where does that leave us? Is there any hope for my poor heart?

Fortunately, yes! The prophet Ezekiel prophesied in 36:26 that God (in the new covenant made with Jesus) "will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh."

Yea! God works in us and in our hearts! As we continue to submit to Him, He continually changes us. I still need to protect my heart and trust God to His work.

My heart condition is directly tied to what flows from my mouth, and I need to be careful with both.

Poetry

Some people probably don't know this about me, but I love poetry. I love to read it, and I love to write it. I wrote more prolifically when I was younger, but sometimes have inspiration to write now. I usually just come up with a few lines and then get stuck. I don't know why I think a poem has to be longer than a few lines, because it doesn't. Anyhow, I figure I can use my blog as a venue for sharing some of the stuff I have written. This one is from this last Easter on Good Friday. I had spent some time in the Word and read through Matthew 26-28. After reading, the words for the poem just flowed:

Son of God,
Son of Man,
Descended from Your throne.
Wrapped in human flesh,
Destined to die alone.

Drank the cup of Your Father's will,
Broken and crushed,
Lashed and cursed,
Eyes of scorn that looked upon Your face.
How could they watch?
How could they cheer?

It was all God's plan
To redeem His created man.

Death would not last,
The tomb would not keep You in.
You rose and left
Having paid the price for sin.

Son of God,
Son of Man,
Ascended to the throne.
Wrapped in glorious light,
Destined to come again.

Profound Truth from "The Shack"

This week I finished reading the book The Shack. It was recommended by my Aunt Carolyn this last summer, and since then different people have said it is a must read. One of my co-workers gave me her copy to read because she said I needed to read it. So I did. And it was amazing! There is some questionable doctrine in it, but it is a fiction book. There is one part, though, toward the end that when I read it, I thought, "Wow! What an amazing insight." I have never really heard tragedy addressed in this way, and it just makes sense.

It's on page 185. God is talking to Mack about his personal tragedy, and Mack is trying to understand why it had to happen. God says this: "Mack, just because I work incredible good out of unspeakable tragedies doesn't mean I orchestrate the tragedies. Don't ever assume that my using something means I caused it or that I need it to accomplish my purposes. That will only lead you to false notions about me. Grace doesn't depend on suffering to exist, but where there is suffering you will find grace in many facets and colors."

After reading that, my mind quickly jumped to personal tragedies in my life. And I know that God has brought a lot of good out of one in particular, and I am thankful for His grace that sustained me. We are quick to conclude that whatever happens must be God's will, but we live in a fallen world where people do a lot of bad things that God never intended. If I believe that God is good, and that no evil exists in Him and that He can have nothing to do with evil, how could I ever think that the bad things that happen were caused by Him? Those 2 lines of thinking don't go together. But I do believe that "God works all things together for good for those who are called according to His purpose" (Romans 8:28). That word "all" really does mean "all." Nothing is excluded. *clarification note: as I have learned more about God and His absolute control, I have come to rethink my position on this. God, if He truly is fully in control, absolutely knows what evil will befall us, and He does allow it (take Job, for instance). If evil were not in God's control, how could He be truly sovereign? This idea seems contrary to popular belief and long-held ideas I had about God, but it makes sense. It doesn't make God evil, because He is not, but He is in control. Crazy and difficult to comprehend, but He is God, and that's all that matters. We can trust Him.*

I am thankful for William P. Young and his book that is getting a lot of people thinking about God, both Christian and non-Christian. I think it is good to raise some challenges to the ways we have always thought about God. And I love the relationship aspect that is so heavily accentuated in this book.

So if you are looking for a book, here's one for you!

Name of Jesus

You know how sometimes you get a thought that you have had a million times before? Well, this morning was one of those times for me. As I was praying and just talking to God, I was finishing with the standard closure of "in Jesus' name," and it was one of those times where the name of Jesus struck me as so beautiful.

Jesus' name is abused in our society a lot. It is used by people who don't even believe in what He did. He is even being used as a joke in the new movie "Hamlet 2" (I've seen commercials for it.) It is used as a curse or swear word when things don't go our way - where words like "shoot" or "darn" or Charlie Brown's "good grief" could easily be used. (which I prefer those words)

But the name of Jesus is so much more precious and sacred than that! It is a name that recognizes Him as the Son of God. His name is synonymous with perfect living and sacrifice. That name is the name we call on and believe in for our salvation!

How it must break God's heart to hear His Son's name abused and misused. This was His gift to His fallen creation, and it has been trampled on throughout the ages.

I have to ask myself: Do I take the name of Jesus for granted? Do I treat it with the care His name deserves? When I speak His name, am I saying it with honor?

There is a song by Paul Baloche titled "Your Name" that came to mind when I was thinking about that this morning. Some of the lyrics are:

Your Name is a strong and mighty tower
Your Name is a shelter like no other
Your Name, let the nations sing it louder
Cause nothing has the power to save
But Your Name

There is healing in Your Name
Salvation in Your Name,
There is Joy in Your Name
Jesus, in Your Name

Yes, Jesus, in Your Precious, Holy Name!

A New Lesson from Job

So I'm a day behind in my REAP for Bible study (REAP is an acronym for a Bible study method that our church has implemented). I read today from Job through Chapter 3, and as I was reading, verse 13 in chapter 2 really struck me. The reason it really stood out to me is because it says this: And they (Job's friends) sat with him on the ground seven days and seven nights, and no one spoke a word to him, for they saw that his suffering was very great.

Why should this have attention drawn to it? For me it was because it made me stop and realize that we usually hear what terrible friends Job had. They said stupid things to him about why he was suffering, and what he must have done to deserve what he was going through. But this particular verse revealed to me that Job's friends started off well. How? Well, they came to him when they heard the suffering he was enduring. Don't friends that care do that? Not only did they come to him during his time of affliction, they also sat with him for 7 days and 7 nights - one full week. How long do we stay with a friend in their grief? To top it off, they didn't start offering him pat condolences and sympathy - they sat in silence with him. You know, sometimes the best thing to say is to say nothing at all. In fact, they didn't say anything until after Job.

So it made me wonder: why do these guys always get so much crap for saying the wrong things (which they did), but no credit for being there in the first place and sitting with Job for those 7 days and nights. How awkward was that for them? What did they do? Can you imagine sitting in silence with someone for a whole week? I honestly cannot.

It also made me think about how God is always with us - especially in our grief and when we don't necessarily "hear" Him. He is still there, even if He is silent. He hasn't gone anywhere. Sometimes it's nice to just know He's there. And our friends, too. Sometimes we don't need them to say anything to us - we just need them to be there. And listen when we are ready to speak.