Things That Irk Me

I'm going to go on a rant because this is my blog and I can. :)

There are some things that just bug me and I feel it necessary to voice those things.

1. People making comments on Facebook using texting language. What's wrong with your keyboard? Is it missing letters? Please use complete words when typing online. You're not texting. It makes you look uneducated and/or just plain dumb.

2. People that don't use blinkers when they're turning. Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't use my mind reading abilities to know you were planning to turn or switch lanes. Please indicate your intentions. It's so the people around you can drive safely with you. Blinkers are actually standard on all makes and models of cars. Just FYI.

3. Talking on your cell phone at the checkout counter. I don't really care who said what or where you need to meet someone. Your conversation can wait. It's really easy to tell the person on the other end of the conversation, "Let me call you back in a few minutes. I'm at the checkout counter and don't want to be rude." Not hard.

4. Drivers that speed up to get around you only to slam on their brakes to turn in front of you. Really?! Did that save you any time or get you anywhere faster? Highly doubt it. What it did do is almost cause an accident. Good driving, there, buddy.

5. That person that stops their shopping cart in the middle of the aisle at the grocery store and then just stands there looking at the shelves. You are oblivious to the fact that others need to get by and then act surprised when I say "Excuse me." It's called awareness. Try it sometime.

6. Rude people. That's all. Doesn't matter where you are and what you're doing. You're just rude. You seem to think that you are more important than others and have a superiority complex. You treat waitstaff terribly and behave as if you're the server's only table. Guess what? You were born naked just like the rest of us. You take dumps and have stinky farts. Just admit it. Oh, and just be nice.

7. Kids having screaming fits in public places and the parents that let it continue. Do you really think that everyone in a 5 mile radius wants to hear your kid having a hissy fit because you won't buy them candy? While I applaud you for not giving in to your child's request, please make them be quiet. (Note: I do not have kids. If I did, I would take their ear-splitting screaming ass to the car and go home.)

8. Not holding the door open for someone coming in behind you. This is a common courtesy thing, no? Wouldn't you appreciate that gesture? Especially do it if you see a person close enough behind you. It's just nice to hold it open or even give the door another push to stay open as you continue to enter. Didn't slow you down. Didn't cost you anything. It's just a polite thing to do.

9. Sports players getting paid millions of dollars and then crying about how it's not enough. You know what's not enough? Teachers' salaries. Military salaries. Police and firefighter salaries. You know, the people who are really making a difference in the lives of the multitudes. The money going into (or more recently, out of) education. More of my students will need an education to work because they will not get to be you on the football, basketball, or baseball field. Shut the hell up about how you don't make enough. It's disgusting and insulting to the rest of us. I can't believe you have fans.

10. Politicians. Enough said.

Well, I'm sure there are many more things that annoy me, but this is a start. These are just some of the ones that come immediately to mind. However, there are more. Also, venting is therapeutic. I don't generally like to be a complainer, but sometimes you just have to say what's on your mind.

Settling In

Well, here I am almost a week later and I'm finally feeling more settled into my new apartment. I had my reservations about how I was going to fit into a smaller square footage, but it has worked out pretty good. So my microwave is kind of in my living area. What of it? It doesn't look too bad.

The smaller kitchen is starting to work out. I had to get a little creative with the space, but it's working. I did have to actually buy some items to make it a workable solution, so I ended up spending money I didn't really want to.

I had some great help moving last Sunday. A couple of guy friends were kind enough to donate a few hours of their Sunday to tote boxes and furniture in 90+ degree heat. Bless them! N actually was with me all weekend and was such an immense help. He was also my calming voice when I was feeling frantic and overwhelmed. Plus, he put my new bed together and my TV stand. The dear young lad stayed until there was a good stopping point with the chaos. It was a little weird because even though we are "broken up," we still get along remarkably well. That was never the issue anyway. Anyhow, I digress.

Kirby has had a bit of a hard time settling in. He appears to have a difficult time just relaxing. And he can't get under the bed anymore, so he's kind of sulking about that at bedtime. I think he's getting used to it slowly.

I do love the area and being so close to so much. I plan on getting out on my bike a few times a week over the next few weeks to gain confidence and comfort with riding on the street and with cars. I've had some experience, but not alone. Yay for independence! (with a hint of sarcasm)

What does this apartment hold for me as I reside here for at least the next year? A lot can happen in a year and a year goes by faster than we realize.

Moving Emotions

I started packing yesterday. I move next Sunday to my new apartment. This morning, as I scanned the boxes that are beginning to pile up and the boxes yet to be filled with my life, I became a bit saddened. It's the end of a period of my life and the start of another. It's funny, because I wasn't sad about my last move of apartments. I think I am having a bittersweet reaction to this one because of the memories of the last three years that this place holds. What have these walls seen and heard?

They have seen me cry after losing my mom. They heard me talk to her. They've looked on as I curled up into the fetal position to let my emotions loose.

They have seen me laugh with friends. They've heard the sharing that has taken place between people that trust one another to be honest about who we are and what we struggle with.

These walls saw me as I hunched over Dusty's lifeless body early one Sunday morning in December of 2009. They heard me wail, "Please don't go!" as I held her body at the same time rigor mortis was setting in. They watched me carry her out to be cremated at the vet.

They heard the words, "I love you" from N for the first time. They also got to watch and listen as he told me ten months later that he no longer loved me and wanted to end the relationship. These walls have seen me shed countless tears as a result. They have heard my anguish.

The walls see and hear me as I greet Kirby upon entering the front door. They see what he does during the day, which will always be a mystery to me.

These walls have witnessed my transformation. I am not the same person that moved in here three years ago.

The one thing I have that walls don't, though, are memories. I get to take them with me. And as I move forward and into another apartment, I will make more memories. That's the thing about life. Memories are made every day.

"Memory is a way of holding on to the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose." ~ Kevin Arnold

As I Grow Up

You know, I don't know why I ever thought that I would have life figured out by this point. In all honesty, I am really just getting started. I am learning more about myself as I get older and truly developing my own identity apart from what I have always done, thought, and believed.

It's a very freeing thing to not feel constrained by what I perceive as other people's expectations. To break out of a mold that I feel like I was trying to fit into for so long but just had trouble conforming. The shape didn't take. It was a constant, inner struggle. And now I don't feel that way. There is no mold, except the one I make for myself.

Who am I? Really?? What do I believe? What are the beliefs (morals, if you will) that are unshakable? Which beliefs (ideas, positions) am I willing to let evolve or let go? Believe it or not, these are questions I ask myself on a regular basis. And it didn't take a single person to evoke change. It took an inner discontent with the way things were. Have I been influenced by others? Without a doubt. But I see their influence as a positive because it offered me new perspectives. I don't believe there is anything wrong with being willing to say, "You're right. I've never thought of it that way. Thank you for showing me another view." Being open to another point of view does not mean I have to accept it. But if it's logical, rational, sensible, truthful . . .

As we continually grow (both mentally and chronologically), we learn. We can be changed by what we learn or not. I choose to be changed. I choose to allow what I learn to possibly alter certain ideas I may have. If there is truth to it, then I must accept the truth and not live in denial because of stubbornness or pride. I have to be willing to admit when I'm wrong.

"We grow neither better nor worse as we get old, but more like ourselves." ~ Mary Lamberton Becker

Quotes

I love quotes. Some of them are from obscure people that I have no clue who they are. But their words, wherever they were written or spoken, can speak profound truth and resonate within me. Some of them are just funny. I appreciate the slant on life that some people can perceive and comment on. I like being shown a different perspective through someone else's observations and experiences. They are enlightening.

I have many quotes that I like and keep around. Often it depends on my mood which ones I turn to or that I search for online. Words are a powerful thing. And sometimes it just takes a few to express an insight on life, love, spirituality, and whatever else. Those are the best.

So, in that spirit, here is one for the taking from Stevie Wonder: You can't base your life on other people's expectations. (used from thinkexist.com)

Dreams

Dreams can be a funny thing. Not, "haha" funny, but interesting, insightful, revealing, unsettling, comforting. They can be a variety of things. For example, last night I had a dream with Dusty (my dog that passed away) in it. On one hand, it was nice to get the dreamlike sensation of touching her fur and cuddling with her. But on the flipside, it made me sad because she's gone. Only in a dream do I get to see her adorable face with soulful eyes. Only in the unconscious do I get to run my fingers through her fur and hug her neck. In real life, those things were a joy and comfort.

I wonder what our dreams mean. Do they really have significance? Can they really be interpreted? I don't know. I do think dreams reveal things to us at certain times of our lives. Perhaps I dreamt about Dusty because it was comforting. Maybe I dream about my mom because I miss her and need the better part of her when life gets tough. Some dreams do have significance.

Vascillating

I'm not certain what to do. I have pictures on my computer of N and me. The pictures are fun and sentimental. But I wonder: do I keep the pictures because they remind me of what I had OR do I delete the pictures because they remind me of what I had? Quite the conundrum. And I cannot decide. So in the meantime, they stay. Interesting how pictures can make you smile and shed a tear at the same time.

As if I didn't have enough to do

Between work and school, my time is consumed. I have very little social time any more, unless being with 4th graders for 7 hours counts. I get very little "adult" socialization, aside from my co-workers. So as if I didn't have enough to take up my time as it is, I've also decided to take a new direction in food. The more I contemplate what is going into my body and the subsequent consequences, the more I realize that I need a dietary change. I've started looking into transitioning to eating more "whole" foods and less processed, supermarket foods.

I have a website that I've bookmarked that is really helpful, http://www.cookingtf.com/pantry.html. I also ordered 2 different books, Digestive Wellness and Nourishing Traditions. I have to admit, it's a bit overwhelming, so I'm going to take it slow and start small. It is interesting reading, though, and thank goodness I have a friend (yea George!) that can help me since he knows all about this kind of stuff.

Check out the links!!

Bumper Stickers

I am always interested in people's bumper stickers. I hate the ones that have small writing and I can't see what it says without getting incredibly close. I feel like a stalker trying to ease up close enough to be able to read the fine print. But if they don't want it read, then it shouldn't be on their car.
I often wonder about the people that put stickers all over their vehicle. Is that really necessary? I've seen several around Austin that are blanketed in bumper stickers and I try like mad to read them all, but don't even understand what some of them are about. Maybe they're not supposed to make sense. And that may tell me a little bit about the driver of the vehicle.
I have seen a few funny ones. I like the ones that make me laugh. I wonder where the person found such a bumper sticker, too. One I saw a few weeks ago read, "Where are we going and why am I in this hand basket?" Which also made me wonder where that phrase originated. Another said, "Never take advice from a bumper sticker."
I have never understood why people choose to put vulgar and crude stickers on their car, though. Is that really the kind of impression they want complete strangers to have of them? Even though I'm not supposed to be judgmental, those kinds of stickers make it really hard to not make a snap judgment about the person who would put such a thing on their car.
There is probably a bumper sticker out there for all kinds of statements, beliefs, and allegiances. Where they are found, I know not. I just like to read them on other people's cars.

Just wondering

As I was sitting at the stoplight this afternoon, I see a homeless guy standing with a sign that says, "Single fathar out of work needs help." And I couldn't help but wonder, first why "father" was misspelled, and if he is a single father, where were his kids? They weren't standing with him. It's a Sunday, so they aren't in school.

Just curious. Not judging him, but really just curious.

Confession

I have to confess, that I feel like a complete teenage girl again. I read the Twilight series. All 4 books in about 3 weeks time. I was hooked so quickly and then just had to read them all to find out what would happen in the end. It was like having chocolate - I can't eat just one piece and it was hard to stop. I was actually a little disappointed when I finished the last book because I knew it was over. I know - sad. But I know plenty of people my age that have read them and loved them, too, so I don't feel so completely ridiculous.

gym classes

So I finally decided to join a gym because I really like that I can just show up and someone tells me what to do to workout. I don't have to come up with a workout plan for the day or try to figure out what I'm going to do. I've tried a variety of classes just because I can right now with summer break. I just hope they have the classes I want in the afternoons once school starts back up. But I've taken Zumba, which is fun, but my body does not naturally move well for the Latin dances. So I feel a little awkward at times, but the great thing about this gym is it has an older crowd, so I don't feel completely weird. I also take the PUMP classes, Kickbox circuit, and I did my first spin class today. Does the slight discomfort from the seat go away or do people just become inured to it?

almost time

I am only days away from the GRE. I have been studying quite a bit and am tired. I only pray that I do well enough the first time to not have to take it again. I'm going to need a little celebration when it's done! Of course, then I have to await word from the universities to see where I end up for grad school. But that could be a few months.

I am enjoying my summer break! I love no alarm clock in the morning. Not worrying about going to bed at a decent hour. Being able to make plans with friends at all different times on any given day. It's so nice and yet goes so fast. *sigh*

Figure it's time

Wow, I can't believe June is almost over already! I would normally be in bed at this time of night, but, hey - it's summer! It's kind of nice not having to get up to the alarm clock at 5:30 (or 5:45, depending on how long I snooze). I absolutely love summer! I love summer nights, especially. I wish I had a backyard I could go out and sit in and enjoy the sounds of a summer night.

I am sitting here tonight watching Fox News cover the death of Michael Jackson. Apparently, it's the only news story tonight worth airing on FNC. Even the "Fox News Ticker" along the bottom is all about MJ. He's was definitely an icon and a legend. I do remember when I was in elementary, going to the Quinlan skating rink and watching the "Thriller" video on a huge screen that came down. It was quite the show!

I have less than a month to my GRE date. I still have a lot of prepping to do! Fingers crossed!!

(sigh)

Since both my dad and Cindy commented on the fact that I haven't written anything on here for a while, I thought I would drop a few notes. I wasn't sure anybody was reading this anyways.

So I have been vascillating about going back to grad school and getting my Master's degree to get certified for librarianship. I've finally decided to just go for it instead of filling my head with self-doubt and fears. BUT, this means taking the GRE and starting all over again with applications, fees, letters, financial aid, UGH! I have to admit that the GRE scares the crap out of me. I went to Barnes & Noble this afternoon and bought a study guide with practice tests and vocabulary flash cards. I have to say that teaching 2nd grade for 5 years seriously diminished my vocabulary. I have been regaining it with 4th grade, but it is still far from sufficient for the verbal section and doing a bang-up job on the 2 essay portions. That's right - 2 essays that are timed.

Therefore, I am about to start spending my extra time studying for a test and hopefully take it in July or August in order to get results to the schools which I am applying.

Not much else is new with me. The countdown for summer break is officially on - I am tired already this school year for some reason. I'm not getting too excited yet and I haven't made any summer plans yet. I'll teach camp for 2 weeks to make a little extra mullah. It's worth it.

been a long time

Wow, has it really been since November? This has really fallen by the wayside. Now here it is, almost the end of January. Where has time gone? It goes so fast. I remember when I was in school, time seemed to drag. Now it is gone before I know it.

I've been home the entire last week due to illness. I still don't feel ready to return to work, but I have to go. It should be interesting to see how many sentences I can get out before going into a coughing fit. I should make it a game for my students - maybe then they'll actually be listening the first time and I won't have to repeat myself.

It's funny about being sick, though. I crave things that I normally wouldn't. For instance, I don't like tomatoes, but tomato soup is one of the few things I have enjoyed eating this week. I also don't frequent KFC, but I was longing for their mashed potatos the other day, so my good friend Erica was kind enough to get some for me. :-) And I like water, but I have been drinking a lot of it this week. And what happened to losing weight when ill? I think I gained a few pounds instead. I'd like to think it's water weight due to the excessive amount of water I've consumed.

I've probably watched entirely too much television, as well. But I could not focus on anything for very long and there is no thinking required to watch TV. Besides, I usually just fell asleep. It is kind of nice, though, to have an excuse to be a lazy bum for a week, even though it wasn't all that enjoyable.

I swear I haven't fallen off the face of the earth. I can't believe it has been almost a month since I blogged last. Needless to say, life is busy. I am astounded that we are already in November and that Thanksgiving will be here before we know it.

I did get to go to my dad's a few weekends ago. My sister flew in from Colorado, as well, to visit for the week. I only took off 2 days because taking off from school is really difficult. A lot goes into taking days off that I really don't like taking off, but this was a good reason.

Anyhow, today was especially long. We had a 2-hour meeting after school, so 7-5 makes for a long day. Plus I still have small group tonight, so I'm not going to bed anytime soon.

I am SO ready for Thanksgiving break!!

Ahhh, Sundays

I love Sundays. They are the beginning of a new week. It is a day of rest. I go to church, where it never fails I learn something new. I always get a sense of the presence of the Lord in our church. He is there and I always feel closer to Him during that time.

I have to admit to an obsession. Every day I have to do the daily crossword on Yahoo games. I am in competition with myself to see how fast I can complete it without using the "hints" tool. I love the hints tool it has, because there are some things I just don't know, especially when it comes to some of the pop culture stuff. I am a little out of touch with some of that. But I also find that I know some random information, that had it not been in the crossword, I probably wouldn't use that knowledge. Surprising I even have it at all!

A Friday Afternoon Off

Since I had the afternoon off, thanks to good ole' Ike coming to town (or Texas, at least, and our area being affected), I decided to take in a movie with a friend. We went to go see "Burn After Reading," which just came out today. I knew it was rated 'R' and that it was going to have to do with language (which it did due to the overly used 'f' word). But I have to say, that it made me laugh. It was a very amusing movie. Some of the parts made me laugh because they were just so unexpected (and in some cases shocking!). And Brad Pitt is hilarious as the fitness trainer. We really enjoyed it! I don't feel like it was a waste of $6.50.

Head Above Water

I knew this would happen. As soon as I decided to start a blog, I would get busy and let it sit for a while. I am now in my 3rd week of school, and I haven't posted since right before school started. It's so easy to let some things go when I am really busy. Right now, I feel like I'm keeping my head above water.

School has gotten off to a good start. We started switching for Language Arts and Math classes today, so it is kind of like starting over some. It takes a few days to train students from other classes on my particular way of doing things. And I am rather particular. :-)

I have also been having to really make myself continue doing my REAP Bible study. It's so easy to turn on the TV and zone out. By the way, I finally broke down and got cable, and I know I am watching way too much television now because it is almost like a novelty after not having it for 4 years! Anyhow, I am glad that at this point I am only a day behind! It could be worse.

It was really interesting last week at First Tuesday Prayer, that Matt spoke about and we prayed about knowing Jesus, and remembering the first time we first met Him. I then came home and did my REAP for the day (I was a day behind then, too!). And I was reading from Phillipians, where Paul said that he had counted all as loss and rubbish compared to knowing Christ. And I thought what a great example and attitude to desire. I would love to say with absolute sincerity that knowing Christ truly is greater than anyone or anything I could ever even imagine on earth. But I know the way I live and spend my time does not reflect that. I know in my mind that knowing Christ is THE greatest treasure, but is it in my heart? The psalmist also reflected this attitude of Paul in Psalm 73:25: "Whom have I in heaven but You? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides You." I would love to echo that without any hint of insincerity.