As I Grow Up

You know, I don't know why I ever thought that I would have life figured out by this point. In all honesty, I am really just getting started. I am learning more about myself as I get older and truly developing my own identity apart from what I have always done, thought, and believed.

It's a very freeing thing to not feel constrained by what I perceive as other people's expectations. To break out of a mold that I feel like I was trying to fit into for so long but just had trouble conforming. The shape didn't take. It was a constant, inner struggle. And now I don't feel that way. There is no mold, except the one I make for myself.

Who am I? Really?? What do I believe? What are the beliefs (morals, if you will) that are unshakable? Which beliefs (ideas, positions) am I willing to let evolve or let go? Believe it or not, these are questions I ask myself on a regular basis. And it didn't take a single person to evoke change. It took an inner discontent with the way things were. Have I been influenced by others? Without a doubt. But I see their influence as a positive because it offered me new perspectives. I don't believe there is anything wrong with being willing to say, "You're right. I've never thought of it that way. Thank you for showing me another view." Being open to another point of view does not mean I have to accept it. But if it's logical, rational, sensible, truthful . . .

As we continually grow (both mentally and chronologically), we learn. We can be changed by what we learn or not. I choose to be changed. I choose to allow what I learn to possibly alter certain ideas I may have. If there is truth to it, then I must accept the truth and not live in denial because of stubbornness or pride. I have to be willing to admit when I'm wrong.

"We grow neither better nor worse as we get old, but more like ourselves." ~ Mary Lamberton Becker