On a Lighter Note . . .

After my honest post last night, I thought a different one was in order. I'm not in a dark hole of depression or anything. Last night's divulgence is only part of what's going on with me. :)

I started in Spring 2010 for my Masters in Library Science. Currently, I am doing my Practicum, which is basically an internship. I have to complete a total of 160 hours. Fortunately, some summer schools have librarians working so I can work with them. I am in my last week of doing my 60 elementary hours and I have one full week plus two more afternoons for my 6o hours at the secondary school. We have the option of doing a 40-hour project to make up the difference, which is what I am doing. I was asked to deliver a staff in-service on using blogs with students (because I did one this last year). My faculty advisor is allowing that to be my project. Yay! Now I have to really get to it. The other class I'm taking this summer is cataloging. It's very detail and rule-oriented.

The good news is that I will graduate in December!! I am tired of school, but the light at the end is getting closer. I know the hard work will pay off. I am incredibly motivated to finish. And I will finally get my evenings during the school year back! I won't know what to do with myself. I certainly won't go back to watching T.V. I only watch what I can get through Netflix on Instant Play.

There's too many other things to enjoy about life than sitting in front of the boob tube a few hours each night. Like reading. Or sitting outside and reading. With a dog. Definitely with a dog. And perhaps a coffee. Yes.

Alright. Off to some other diversion.

Still Breathing + Raw Thoughts from Inside

I haven't kept up with this much. Between doing my Master's degree studies, work, and life, I've let it go. I wasn't sure who was really interested anyway. But I need an outlet. Sometimes there is more going on in one's mind than can possibly be taken. Without a venue of expressing it, the thoughts compile and eventually overwhelm the mind of the person. And I've had a lot on my mind. So here goes, ready or not.

I've been going through some real issues. I'm still dealing with my divorce from 7 years ago, Momma's passing from 2008, my beloved dog, Dusty, passing in 2009, and now a break-up. Sometimes I wonder how much one heart can take. I doubt God's love and care for my heart if He can allow someone to experience so much hurt and loss. I'm not at the point of Job, but sometimes I feel damn near close. And it sucks. I have been at a spiritual crossroads for sometime now, unbeknownst to my family. I really don't know what I believe anymore. I'm finally at a place in my life where I'm questioning why I believe what I believe and I'm tired of trying to live up to everyone else's expectations. I want to live the way it seems right to me, not to others. And right now I'm not sure I know what that is.

I'm also questioning the existence of authentic love. I just don't know if it exists. The idealist and romantic in me would like to think so. But it seems that it evades me. Just when I think I'm finally going to get my chance, fate laughs in my face. I just wonder if there is truly any one person who is able to be trusted 100% with my heart and emotions. I am jaded. I am wounded. Deeply. I wonder why other people can access it and I cannot.

The last thing I want is to be a bitter middle-aged woman. I would love to believe that true love exists for me and that people, deep down, are good-hearted. I like to believe in the inherent goodness of people. Maybe that makes me naive. But a girl has to hope, right? Otherwise, what is to become of us as a people if we don't believe that everyone has some goodness in them? I know it was not the intention of my ex-boyfriend to break my heart and wound me. It certainly doesn't make the pain less real. That's just the way it is. And maybe that's just life. Perhaps the pain now will lead to something better later. At least that's the hope. There's always hope.

Yes, I'm Alive

Just thought I'd check in on this thing. Not that anyone really reads it, but if anyone does, just know I'm alive and well. Just extremely busy. No rest for the weary. And no blogging. :)

As if I didn't have enough to do

Between work and school, my time is consumed. I have very little social time any more, unless being with 4th graders for 7 hours counts. I get very little "adult" socialization, aside from my co-workers. So as if I didn't have enough to take up my time as it is, I've also decided to take a new direction in food. The more I contemplate what is going into my body and the subsequent consequences, the more I realize that I need a dietary change. I've started looking into transitioning to eating more "whole" foods and less processed, supermarket foods.

I have a website that I've bookmarked that is really helpful, http://www.cookingtf.com/pantry.html. I also ordered 2 different books, Digestive Wellness and Nourishing Traditions. I have to admit, it's a bit overwhelming, so I'm going to take it slow and start small. It is interesting reading, though, and thank goodness I have a friend (yea George!) that can help me since he knows all about this kind of stuff.

Check out the links!!

Mental Break

I am plodding through my course work tonight, and really needed a mental break, so I thought I'd add a post since it's been a few weeks. I'm actually including a link to the blog I have to keep for one of my classes. Contrary to popular belief or just pure ignorance, there's more to Library Science than the Dewey Decimal System!! :-)

I'm only taking 2 classes and I am absolutely swamped. I spend almost every evening for a few hours and many hours on my weekends now doing reading, web searching, posting to discussion boards, reading some more, writing responses, learning about databases and using them, and then a bit more reading if I haven't done enough already. Oh, and sleep, gym, and eat somewhere in there.

This is going to be an interesting few (hopefully) years. I am going to do my best to dig in and finish in Fall 2011. Forgive me if you don't hear from me (either on here or anywhere) for a while.

My blog for "Information Storage and Retrieval":  http://shamrockls.blogspot.com/

Star Gazing

I am currently teaching on Earth and the solar system in my Science class. Today we were discussing how enormous and immeasurable our universe is. I am fascinated with the vastness of space. We as a civilized people cannot even explore the farthest reaches of our solar system, much less beyond it. We know there is more out there and yet we will never even get to fully explore planetary bodies in our system. The number of stars is in the billions. And then there are the other objects that orbit the sun in space.

Our knowledge is so limited. We are so small. And as I took Kirby out tonight to go potty, I looked up. I had to just stop and stare. As a busy grown-up, I rarely take time to stop and appreciate something as simple and sublime as a starry sky. And as I stood there with my head tilted back, I was reminded of Isaiah 40:26, where Isaiah recorded: Lift up your eyes on high and see: who created these? He who brings out their host by number, calling them all by name, by the greatness of his might, and because he is strong in power not one is missing.

I identify with David's question in Psalm 8:3-4: When I look at your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is man that you are mindful of him, the son of man that you care for him?

In a universe that enfolds billions of stars that God has placed and calls by name, He has also placed you and me. And He knows our name. Not only that, but He knows the number of hairs on our heads, He has kept count of our tossings, and stored our tears in a bottle. (Read your Psalms if you don't believe me!) Our God - the God of our gargantuan universe - knows each of us. He knows our hearts desires, our deepest darkest shames, the farthest most recesses of our souls. He knows it all. And that just blows my mind.

We serve a BIG God. The adjective "BIG" doesn't even begin to do justice to His greatness. There are not enough adjectives in all languages combined to appropriately attribute to God how great He is. So with my small words and limited vocabulary, I say, "Wow! My God, how great You are!"

Bumper Stickers

I am always interested in people's bumper stickers. I hate the ones that have small writing and I can't see what it says without getting incredibly close. I feel like a stalker trying to ease up close enough to be able to read the fine print. But if they don't want it read, then it shouldn't be on their car.
I often wonder about the people that put stickers all over their vehicle. Is that really necessary? I've seen several around Austin that are blanketed in bumper stickers and I try like mad to read them all, but don't even understand what some of them are about. Maybe they're not supposed to make sense. And that may tell me a little bit about the driver of the vehicle.
I have seen a few funny ones. I like the ones that make me laugh. I wonder where the person found such a bumper sticker, too. One I saw a few weeks ago read, "Where are we going and why am I in this hand basket?" Which also made me wonder where that phrase originated. Another said, "Never take advice from a bumper sticker."
I have never understood why people choose to put vulgar and crude stickers on their car, though. Is that really the kind of impression they want complete strangers to have of them? Even though I'm not supposed to be judgmental, those kinds of stickers make it really hard to not make a snap judgment about the person who would put such a thing on their car.
There is probably a bumper sticker out there for all kinds of statements, beliefs, and allegiances. Where they are found, I know not. I just like to read them on other people's cars.