My daily reading from "A Year with C.S. Lewis" was from his book "Mere Christianity." He wrote: The Second Person in God, the Son, became human Himself: was born into the world as an actual man - a real man of a particular height, with hair of a particular colour, speaking a particular language, weighing so many stone. The Eternal Being, who knows everything and who created the whole universe, became not only a man but (before that) a baby, and before that a fetus inside a woman's body. If you want to get the hang of it, think how you would like to become a slug or a crab.
I do not think Lewis is comparing man to a slug, but rather what it must be like to go from being a creature such as ourself to something like that. Though not a perfect analogy to God coming to earth through Christ, still, the point is well made.
Saturday, December 19, 2009
Friday, December 18, 2009
Not So Random Thinking
As I was folding laundry this morning, the words from our pastor's message on Sunday popped into my head. I was reminded of what he said about how God seeks us out. He came to earth and dwelt with the people for whom He would later die. No other religion has a deity that sought to get close to the people, much less put on the flesh of creation to be even closer. It should blow our minds that God came to earth and became His own creation.
Sadly, I realized how much I take God for granted. I know that He is always there, so I think subconsciously I choose to pay attention to other things because I know God isn't going anywhere. I take for granted the fact that He sought me out. He loves me and has had His hand on my life for as long as I can remember. Even through my rebellious stages and living with loose morals, He protected me. Because of my foolish decisions, my life could be very damaged. But it is not. And I 100% believe it is because God chose to intervene and shield me from the possible repercussions of my sin.
Yet, I still take Him for granted. The thought makes me wag my head in shame. During this season of recalling Christ's coming to earth and his subsequent death and resurrection, I want to rejoice in His love over me. Zephaniah said in 3:17 that God rejoices over me with gladness, he quiets me with His love; and He exults over me with loud singing. I want to return that to Him.
The rejoicing of Habakkuk is mine: "Yet I will rejoice in the Lord; I will take joy in the God of my salvation. God, the Lord, is my strength; he makes my feet like the deer's; he makes me tread on my high places." 3:18-19.
Sadly, I realized how much I take God for granted. I know that He is always there, so I think subconsciously I choose to pay attention to other things because I know God isn't going anywhere. I take for granted the fact that He sought me out. He loves me and has had His hand on my life for as long as I can remember. Even through my rebellious stages and living with loose morals, He protected me. Because of my foolish decisions, my life could be very damaged. But it is not. And I 100% believe it is because God chose to intervene and shield me from the possible repercussions of my sin.
Yet, I still take Him for granted. The thought makes me wag my head in shame. During this season of recalling Christ's coming to earth and his subsequent death and resurrection, I want to rejoice in His love over me. Zephaniah said in 3:17 that God rejoices over me with gladness, he quiets me with His love; and He exults over me with loud singing. I want to return that to Him.
The rejoicing of Habakkuk is mine: "Yet I will rejoice in the Lord; I will take joy in the God of my salvation. God, the Lord, is my strength; he makes my feet like the deer's; he makes me tread on my high places." 3:18-19.
Monday, December 7, 2009
In Memoriam: Dusty
If you know me at all, then you know I love my dogs. Not just "love" as in, "I think they're great to have around." But really LOVE. They are like my children. I miss them when I'm gone. I love coming home to them and seeing their pure joy that I am home. I love the faces and noses in the window eagerly awaiting my arrival back home. The look of "where are you going?" in Dusty's eyes when I would leave sometimes made me feel guilty for leaving at all. Yes, I LOVE my dogs.
And this weekend has been so hard because I had to suddenly say good-bye to Dusty. In a matter of a 4 days, she went from being seemingly normal and healthy to passing away. She spent 3 days in a row at the vet's receiving treatments. She was due to go back on Sunday but passed away during the night while we slept.
I wondered at one point if that was going to be our last night. But I dismissed it as being pessimistic. Since she was spitting up and could not walk, I slept with her in the living room for most of the night, petting her and telling her that I loved her.
Sleep deprivation got the better of me and I went to my bedroom. She was breathing heavily, but I didn't realize she was close to drawing her last breath. So in the morning when I got up and found her, I lost it. The vet's office didn't open for another 2 hours, so I gently laid her on the bed and covered her in a sheet with her favorite toy.
Anyhow, if you never knew Dusty, then she was something special. She could give you looks with those eyes that made you know she was thinking something. I knew her looks of affection, fright, anxiety, and happiness.
She had this funny way of treating me and the couch or bed as her napkin after eating. She would rub her face and body down one side and the other. She would smear her face into my leg. If she wanted attention, she would bury her head into my legs. She also loved the camera. I swear she knew how to pose.
Anyhow, the whole reason for this post is to share something I wrote several years ago about Dusty. After reading the book Because of Winn-Dixie by Kate DiCamillo, I decided to make a few "10 Things I know About . . ." lists. I did one for Kirby and Dusty each. This was Dusty's:
1. She brings a toy to bed almost every night. (When it was time for bed, she would almost always get a toy first and take it with her.)
2. She loves being outside. Living in an apartment was kind of sad because she would lay by the sliding glass door and look outside. She was in heaven at Daddy's because she could go outside all she wanted and run around as much as she desired.
3. She is very happy when chasing and retrieving balls. This was one of her favorite things to do. As she got older, she tired out faster, but that didn't stop her from doing it at all.
4. When playing chase with her, she tucks her rear and scoots rather than runs.
5. She must chase a lot of squirrels in her sleep because of the way she whimpers, barks, and growls.
6. She groans when she stretches. Sounded like a person getting up and making noise.
7. She looks like she is smiling a lot.
8. She wags her tail a lot, especially if being talked to.
9. When my couch was in a position that she could see me in the bathroom, she would lay her head across the armrest and watch me get ready for work or whatever else.
10. Her face is almost always in the window when I am due home. I see her look of joy that I am back . She watches me until I am out of sight and then runs barking to the door to greet me.
And one more: 11. She loved Kirby. She had this funny way of lightly nibbling at him and making a weird sound. She did this when she wanted him to play with her. If I told her "Get Kirby," that is what she would do.
Dusty was a light and source of joy in my life. I am going to miss her tremendously. We had a special connection. I know for people that aren't "dog people," it sounds ridiculous. But I feel sorry for people that don't know that kind of relationship of absolute unconditional love and acceptance.
I love you, Dusty-girl. Dec. 06.2000-Dec. 06, 2009 (yes, she died on her 9th birthday)
Monday, October 12, 2009
I Remember Momma
Tomorrow is October 13 - Momma's birthday. She would have been 53 years old. She wasn't in the best condition when she passed away. But today I am thinking about the way she was. The mom I had as a child growing up.
So I thought I would write a few things that stand out in my mind about my mom:
1. Her perfume was "Red." I'd know that scent anywhere. It was always a comforting smell when my mom would hug me.
2. She loved Indian stuff. You name it, she had it. Our house was bursting at the seams with Native American paraphernalia.
3. She was an amazing actress. I distinctly remember her performance in "Gaslight." She was fabulous!
4. I remember running lines with her to practice for her plays. It was good reading practice for me and introduced me to difficult texts. I loved helping my mom learn her lines.
5. She had the loudest laugh. She would put her whole body into it and sometimes you thought she might fall. I have to admit there were a few times where I was quite embarrassed.
6. She taught herself how to play piano. She played beautifully. My sister and I loved it when she played "The Rose" by Bette Midler. We would try to sing it.
7. She coached our softball team one summer. We stunk. But what I remember most is listening to The Eagles, Rod Stewart, and Fleetwood Mac tapes in the car as we traveled to games.
8. Momma loved music, which may be where I get my affinity for it. We had records from all genres. And on house cleaning day, Momma would put on a record and turn up the volume. I do that, too.
9. I didn't think Momma knew how to dance. She started dancing one time to some song on the record player, and I remember laughing at her. She danced even funkier.
10. When we still lived in Quinlan (which puts me in 3rd grade or younger), she would read to Brandi and me from "Charlotte's Web" at night before we went to bed.
I miss her. I miss not hearing her voice. Even if she wasn't the same anymore. She was still here. Now on those bad days when I just want to cry to her, I can't. But I have my memories and pictures.
Love you Momma!
Momma, Daddy, me
So I thought I would write a few things that stand out in my mind about my mom:
1. Her perfume was "Red." I'd know that scent anywhere. It was always a comforting smell when my mom would hug me.
2. She loved Indian stuff. You name it, she had it. Our house was bursting at the seams with Native American paraphernalia.
3. She was an amazing actress. I distinctly remember her performance in "Gaslight." She was fabulous!
4. I remember running lines with her to practice for her plays. It was good reading practice for me and introduced me to difficult texts. I loved helping my mom learn her lines.
5. She had the loudest laugh. She would put her whole body into it and sometimes you thought she might fall. I have to admit there were a few times where I was quite embarrassed.
6. She taught herself how to play piano. She played beautifully. My sister and I loved it when she played "The Rose" by Bette Midler. We would try to sing it.
7. She coached our softball team one summer. We stunk. But what I remember most is listening to The Eagles, Rod Stewart, and Fleetwood Mac tapes in the car as we traveled to games.
8. Momma loved music, which may be where I get my affinity for it. We had records from all genres. And on house cleaning day, Momma would put on a record and turn up the volume. I do that, too.
9. I didn't think Momma knew how to dance. She started dancing one time to some song on the record player, and I remember laughing at her. She danced even funkier.
10. When we still lived in Quinlan (which puts me in 3rd grade or younger), she would read to Brandi and me from "Charlotte's Web" at night before we went to bed.
I miss her. I miss not hearing her voice. Even if she wasn't the same anymore. She was still here. Now on those bad days when I just want to cry to her, I can't. But I have my memories and pictures.
Love you Momma!
Momma, Daddy, me
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Just wondering
As I was sitting at the stoplight this afternoon, I see a homeless guy standing with a sign that says, "Single fathar out of work needs help." And I couldn't help but wonder, first why "father" was misspelled, and if he is a single father, where were his kids? They weren't standing with him. It's a Sunday, so they aren't in school.
Just curious. Not judging him, but really just curious.
Just curious. Not judging him, but really just curious.
Sunday, September 13, 2009
My Snoopy Sno-Cone Machine
I got a new printer/scanner/copier at Office Max yesterday, so I decided to scan the picture from when I was in the hospital and got my Snoopy Sno-Cone Machine.
I don't look happy because this was post-surgery. I'm sure as a 4-year old I didn't feel very good. But check out the goods of 1980!
Monday, September 7, 2009
Snoopy Sno-Cone Machine
You remember it, don't you? I was reminded of it tonight when it was in the Daily Crossword on yahoo games. So that led me to look it up and see what ever happened to it, only to discover that they are on back on the market! That made me happy. Not that I am going to go buy one, but it is fun nostalgia.
I got mine in 1980, a year after they came out (i read that online), while I was in the hospital for surgery. I have a picture of me in the hospital bed with some gifts that I received, and that is in the picture. I wish I had it digitally to put on here. Oh well. A picture from online will have to do.
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Sending Us What They've Got
At staff development this last week, someone said (I can't remember who - we hear a lot at staff development 3 days in a row), "Parents aren't keeping their best kids at home. They're sending us what they've got." And as I was praying this morning for the new year and getting ready to welcome my students for the first day, that statement was brought back to mind.
I pray that as I am in the classroom working with these students, that I never forget that this is someone's daughter or someone's son, and they love them immensely. And they have sent the only kids they have to school. It is my responsibility to nurture and grow who they send me. Despite their learning differences, mental or physical handicaps, defiant or stubborn personalities, quiet and reserved demeanors, perfectionist tendencies, know-it-all attitudes, etc, etc, etc. . . That's who I have. And that's who I am to love and teach.
I need the daily reminder that these kids are God's kids, just like me. And just as I am full of my own imperfections and have been stubborn, disobedient, and unloving towards God, I am still His. And these kids - my students- are His. Even if they don't know it yet.
So if you read this and pray, please pray that I wouldn't forget that. And for me to take each day one at a time and to take deep breaths. As my principal has a sign on her door that I think I need, that says something to the effect of: Have a big glass of calm down.
I pray that as I am in the classroom working with these students, that I never forget that this is someone's daughter or someone's son, and they love them immensely. And they have sent the only kids they have to school. It is my responsibility to nurture and grow who they send me. Despite their learning differences, mental or physical handicaps, defiant or stubborn personalities, quiet and reserved demeanors, perfectionist tendencies, know-it-all attitudes, etc, etc, etc. . . That's who I have. And that's who I am to love and teach.
I need the daily reminder that these kids are God's kids, just like me. And just as I am full of my own imperfections and have been stubborn, disobedient, and unloving towards God, I am still His. And these kids - my students- are His. Even if they don't know it yet.
So if you read this and pray, please pray that I wouldn't forget that. And for me to take each day one at a time and to take deep breaths. As my principal has a sign on her door that I think I need, that says something to the effect of: Have a big glass of calm down.
Friday, August 21, 2009
Back to School - Again
Well, summer is officially over. I have finished my first week back at work, even though I was up there all last week, too. Today I met students and parents, at least the ones that came. As I was on my way to Happy Hour with a co-worker, the daunting task of teaching really hit me.
The fact that we are responsible for so many kiddos and are expected to really know our students is sometimes difficult. Some students just naturally demand more time and attention, which can unfortunately lead to overlooking another child's needs or not recognizing learning difficulties. I have several high demand students this year and I wonder how that will effect the other students.
I aspire to be the teacher that knows her students and picks up on the almost unrecognizable signs that a child may be having trouble due to some other reason than being obstinate or lazy. I want to be in regular contact with parents, not just when I have to due to parent/teacher conference days. I am excited to further my education and knowledge. I desire to be a leader to my team as the team leader. I yearn to demonstrate Christ and glorify God with my demeanor and actions, and with my words in ways that won't get me fired!
And that is only a few of the things I want to do. However, there are many tasks I 'have' to do that demand a lot of time and energy that distract me. I can only hope that God gives me the wisdom, patience, perseverance, and love needed for each day. And as Teddy Roosevelt said, "Do what you can, with what you have, where you are."
The fact that we are responsible for so many kiddos and are expected to really know our students is sometimes difficult. Some students just naturally demand more time and attention, which can unfortunately lead to overlooking another child's needs or not recognizing learning difficulties. I have several high demand students this year and I wonder how that will effect the other students.
I aspire to be the teacher that knows her students and picks up on the almost unrecognizable signs that a child may be having trouble due to some other reason than being obstinate or lazy. I want to be in regular contact with parents, not just when I have to due to parent/teacher conference days. I am excited to further my education and knowledge. I desire to be a leader to my team as the team leader. I yearn to demonstrate Christ and glorify God with my demeanor and actions, and with my words in ways that won't get me fired!
And that is only a few of the things I want to do. However, there are many tasks I 'have' to do that demand a lot of time and energy that distract me. I can only hope that God gives me the wisdom, patience, perseverance, and love needed for each day. And as Teddy Roosevelt said, "Do what you can, with what you have, where you are."
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Confession
I have to confess, that I feel like a complete teenage girl again. I read the Twilight series. All 4 books in about 3 weeks time. I was hooked so quickly and then just had to read them all to find out what would happen in the end. It was like having chocolate - I can't eat just one piece and it was hard to stop. I was actually a little disappointed when I finished the last book because I knew it was over. I know - sad. But I know plenty of people my age that have read them and loved them, too, so I don't feel so completely ridiculous.
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
gym classes
So I finally decided to join a gym because I really like that I can just show up and someone tells me what to do to workout. I don't have to come up with a workout plan for the day or try to figure out what I'm going to do. I've tried a variety of classes just because I can right now with summer break. I just hope they have the classes I want in the afternoons once school starts back up. But I've taken Zumba, which is fun, but my body does not naturally move well for the Latin dances. So I feel a little awkward at times, but the great thing about this gym is it has an older crowd, so I don't feel completely weird. I also take the PUMP classes, Kickbox circuit, and I did my first spin class today. Does the slight discomfort from the seat go away or do people just become inured to it?
Monday, July 13, 2009
almost time
I am only days away from the GRE. I have been studying quite a bit and am tired. I only pray that I do well enough the first time to not have to take it again. I'm going to need a little celebration when it's done! Of course, then I have to await word from the universities to see where I end up for grad school. But that could be a few months.
I am enjoying my summer break! I love no alarm clock in the morning. Not worrying about going to bed at a decent hour. Being able to make plans with friends at all different times on any given day. It's so nice and yet goes so fast. *sigh*
I am enjoying my summer break! I love no alarm clock in the morning. Not worrying about going to bed at a decent hour. Being able to make plans with friends at all different times on any given day. It's so nice and yet goes so fast. *sigh*
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Figure it's time
Wow, I can't believe June is almost over already! I would normally be in bed at this time of night, but, hey - it's summer! It's kind of nice not having to get up to the alarm clock at 5:30 (or 5:45, depending on how long I snooze). I absolutely love summer! I love summer nights, especially. I wish I had a backyard I could go out and sit in and enjoy the sounds of a summer night.
I am sitting here tonight watching Fox News cover the death of Michael Jackson. Apparently, it's the only news story tonight worth airing on FNC. Even the "Fox News Ticker" along the bottom is all about MJ. He's was definitely an icon and a legend. I do remember when I was in elementary, going to the Quinlan skating rink and watching the "Thriller" video on a huge screen that came down. It was quite the show!
I have less than a month to my GRE date. I still have a lot of prepping to do! Fingers crossed!!
I am sitting here tonight watching Fox News cover the death of Michael Jackson. Apparently, it's the only news story tonight worth airing on FNC. Even the "Fox News Ticker" along the bottom is all about MJ. He's was definitely an icon and a legend. I do remember when I was in elementary, going to the Quinlan skating rink and watching the "Thriller" video on a huge screen that came down. It was quite the show!
I have less than a month to my GRE date. I still have a lot of prepping to do! Fingers crossed!!
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Come on summer!
I cannot believe that I have less than 10 days of school left! I am so ready for summer break this year! It has been a taxing school year, both at work and personally.
I don't have much in the way of plans for summer aside from studying and taking the GRE. I am scheduled to take it on July 16. EEK! The math, I have to say, is really scary for me! It has been at least 10 years since I have attempted stuff like quadratic equations and Pythagorean's theorem. Why exactly do I need to know that stuff? I am planning on studying Library Science & Information Studies. I really do want to go ahead and get my Master's and I may as well now while I am still single and without children of my own. *sigh*
I don't have much in the way of plans for summer aside from studying and taking the GRE. I am scheduled to take it on July 16. EEK! The math, I have to say, is really scary for me! It has been at least 10 years since I have attempted stuff like quadratic equations and Pythagorean's theorem. Why exactly do I need to know that stuff? I am planning on studying Library Science & Information Studies. I really do want to go ahead and get my Master's and I may as well now while I am still single and without children of my own. *sigh*
Friday, April 10, 2009
Jesus' Disciples
I love Good Friday - it is a day that reminds of an event that I ought to be reminded of every day. And that is Jesus' death. It's kind of funny that the last 2 years, Good Friday weather is gorgeous, and then Easter Sunday is gloomy. It seems like it should be the other way around. Anyhow, I digress.
I was looking back at my journal from last year on Good Friday, and thought I would share what I gleaned last year. I read from Matt. 26:20-25 (and it appears again in Mark 14:17-21). To summarize, Jesus announced to His disciples that one of them would betray Him. But their response was not "It's not going to be me!" (except Peter later one). No, they responded with, "Is it I, Lord?" They didn't know their own heart and devotion to Jesus well enough to know if they would betray Jesus. They weren't over confident, either, and knew that even though they loved Jesus, they just might be capable of betraying Him.
And then Judas, who knew his own heart, plays along and asks the same question. But Jesus didn't send him away. Judas continued to stay. And Jesus still included Judas in the Lord's Supper. Wow.
After Jesus' arrest, the disciples ran and hid and Peter denied knowing Him. Amazing, how when pressed and under threat, even the disciples of Jesus - who had been with Him for the last 3 years and seen so many mircaulous events - caved. I wonder how much guilt and shame they felt once they realized what they had done. We know how Peter reacted in Matt. 26:75.
But I cannot fault the disciples. Lord only knows how I would likely have done the same. It was supposed to be that way. Scripture had to be fulfilled.
Happy Easter!
I was looking back at my journal from last year on Good Friday, and thought I would share what I gleaned last year. I read from Matt. 26:20-25 (and it appears again in Mark 14:17-21). To summarize, Jesus announced to His disciples that one of them would betray Him. But their response was not "It's not going to be me!" (except Peter later one). No, they responded with, "Is it I, Lord?" They didn't know their own heart and devotion to Jesus well enough to know if they would betray Jesus. They weren't over confident, either, and knew that even though they loved Jesus, they just might be capable of betraying Him.
And then Judas, who knew his own heart, plays along and asks the same question. But Jesus didn't send him away. Judas continued to stay. And Jesus still included Judas in the Lord's Supper. Wow.
After Jesus' arrest, the disciples ran and hid and Peter denied knowing Him. Amazing, how when pressed and under threat, even the disciples of Jesus - who had been with Him for the last 3 years and seen so many mircaulous events - caved. I wonder how much guilt and shame they felt once they realized what they had done. We know how Peter reacted in Matt. 26:75.
But I cannot fault the disciples. Lord only knows how I would likely have done the same. It was supposed to be that way. Scripture had to be fulfilled.
Happy Easter!
Saturday, April 4, 2009
I'm an ass
Yes. I am stubborn and stupid. That's what I'm discovering as I am going through some spiritual discovery. I am an absolute mess. I know more and more the anguish Paul was expressing in Romans 7:15-24. It's a constant battle between spirit and flesh. I am also realizing I have trust issues. I don't want to be fickle in my affections for the Lord. I want my heart to be stirred for Him. I don't understand my own ways. I trust God for eternity, but not for the "right now." WHY?? I have no reason to distrust Him.
I am tired of pretending and performing. God doesn't care about that. I can try and perform all I want, that is not going to change my heart and transform me spiritually. I have used and abused the lover of my soul. I live as an orphan rather than a daughter of the King. I have been invited into the palace and am standing outside the door (as Andrew Murray puts it).
It is absolutely piercing my heart that I am nowhere near where I thought I was with God. My weaknesses and idols are being revealed and it is painful! Where is all this coming from? Well, two places. I have been reading John Owen's "Mortification of Sin" and my small group is going through a curriculum from church called "Gospel Centered Life." Funny, though, how they are complementing each other and really driving home to me a lot of the same points.
And then, Andrew Murray, in Absolute Surrender, nails the reason, I think, behind my issues. He wrote:
No doubt you have never regretted responding to His call and coming to Him. You experienced that His Word was truth; all His promises He fulfilled; He made you a partaker of the blessings and the joy of His love. His welcome was heartfelt, His pardon full and free, His love most sweet and precious, was it not? You more than once, at your first coming to Him, had reason to say, "The half was not told me."
And yet you have had some disappointment. As time went on, your expectations were not always realized The blessings you once enjoyed were lost; the love and joy of your first meeting with your Savior, instead of deepening, have become faint and weak. And you have often wondered why, with a such a mighty and loving Savior, your experience of salvation was not a fuller one.
The answer is very simple. You wandered from Him. The blessings He bestows are all connected with His "Come to me," and are only to be enjoyed in close fellowship with Him. You either did not fully understand, or did not rightly remember, that the call meant "Come to me and remain with me." This was His object and purpose when He first called you to Himself. It was not to refresh you for a few short hours after your conversion with the joy of His love and deliverance, and then to send you forth to wander in sadness and sin.
No, indeed, He has prepared for you an abiding dwelling with Himself, where your whole life and every moment of it might by spent and where the work of your daily life might be done as you enjoy unbroken communion with Him. Who would be content, after seeking the King's palace, to stand in the door, when he is invited in to dwell in the King's presence and share with Him in all the glory of His royal life? Let us enter in and abide and enjoy fully all the rich supply His wondrous love has prepared for us!
This just floors me! It reveals my propensity to wander and pursue my own ways instead of God's. It also lets me know what is needed more: and that is an abiding fellowship with God. I want that. I often lack the discipline to make that a priority - which is something else I don't understand, but want to alter.
I don't want to be an ass.
I am tired of pretending and performing. God doesn't care about that. I can try and perform all I want, that is not going to change my heart and transform me spiritually. I have used and abused the lover of my soul. I live as an orphan rather than a daughter of the King. I have been invited into the palace and am standing outside the door (as Andrew Murray puts it).
It is absolutely piercing my heart that I am nowhere near where I thought I was with God. My weaknesses and idols are being revealed and it is painful! Where is all this coming from? Well, two places. I have been reading John Owen's "Mortification of Sin" and my small group is going through a curriculum from church called "Gospel Centered Life." Funny, though, how they are complementing each other and really driving home to me a lot of the same points.
And then, Andrew Murray, in Absolute Surrender, nails the reason, I think, behind my issues. He wrote:
No doubt you have never regretted responding to His call and coming to Him. You experienced that His Word was truth; all His promises He fulfilled; He made you a partaker of the blessings and the joy of His love. His welcome was heartfelt, His pardon full and free, His love most sweet and precious, was it not? You more than once, at your first coming to Him, had reason to say, "The half was not told me."
And yet you have had some disappointment. As time went on, your expectations were not always realized The blessings you once enjoyed were lost; the love and joy of your first meeting with your Savior, instead of deepening, have become faint and weak. And you have often wondered why, with a such a mighty and loving Savior, your experience of salvation was not a fuller one.
The answer is very simple. You wandered from Him. The blessings He bestows are all connected with His "Come to me," and are only to be enjoyed in close fellowship with Him. You either did not fully understand, or did not rightly remember, that the call meant "Come to me and remain with me." This was His object and purpose when He first called you to Himself. It was not to refresh you for a few short hours after your conversion with the joy of His love and deliverance, and then to send you forth to wander in sadness and sin.
No, indeed, He has prepared for you an abiding dwelling with Himself, where your whole life and every moment of it might by spent and where the work of your daily life might be done as you enjoy unbroken communion with Him. Who would be content, after seeking the King's palace, to stand in the door, when he is invited in to dwell in the King's presence and share with Him in all the glory of His royal life? Let us enter in and abide and enjoy fully all the rich supply His wondrous love has prepared for us!
This just floors me! It reveals my propensity to wander and pursue my own ways instead of God's. It also lets me know what is needed more: and that is an abiding fellowship with God. I want that. I often lack the discipline to make that a priority - which is something else I don't understand, but want to alter.
I don't want to be an ass.
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
(sigh)
Since both my dad and Cindy commented on the fact that I haven't written anything on here for a while, I thought I would drop a few notes. I wasn't sure anybody was reading this anyways.
So I have been vascillating about going back to grad school and getting my Master's degree to get certified for librarianship. I've finally decided to just go for it instead of filling my head with self-doubt and fears. BUT, this means taking the GRE and starting all over again with applications, fees, letters, financial aid, UGH! I have to admit that the GRE scares the crap out of me. I went to Barnes & Noble this afternoon and bought a study guide with practice tests and vocabulary flash cards. I have to say that teaching 2nd grade for 5 years seriously diminished my vocabulary. I have been regaining it with 4th grade, but it is still far from sufficient for the verbal section and doing a bang-up job on the 2 essay portions. That's right - 2 essays that are timed.
Therefore, I am about to start spending my extra time studying for a test and hopefully take it in July or August in order to get results to the schools which I am applying.
Not much else is new with me. The countdown for summer break is officially on - I am tired already this school year for some reason. I'm not getting too excited yet and I haven't made any summer plans yet. I'll teach camp for 2 weeks to make a little extra mullah. It's worth it.
So I have been vascillating about going back to grad school and getting my Master's degree to get certified for librarianship. I've finally decided to just go for it instead of filling my head with self-doubt and fears. BUT, this means taking the GRE and starting all over again with applications, fees, letters, financial aid, UGH! I have to admit that the GRE scares the crap out of me. I went to Barnes & Noble this afternoon and bought a study guide with practice tests and vocabulary flash cards. I have to say that teaching 2nd grade for 5 years seriously diminished my vocabulary. I have been regaining it with 4th grade, but it is still far from sufficient for the verbal section and doing a bang-up job on the 2 essay portions. That's right - 2 essays that are timed.
Therefore, I am about to start spending my extra time studying for a test and hopefully take it in July or August in order to get results to the schools which I am applying.
Not much else is new with me. The countdown for summer break is officially on - I am tired already this school year for some reason. I'm not getting too excited yet and I haven't made any summer plans yet. I'll teach camp for 2 weeks to make a little extra mullah. It's worth it.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
been a long time
Wow, has it really been since November? This has really fallen by the wayside. Now here it is, almost the end of January. Where has time gone? It goes so fast. I remember when I was in school, time seemed to drag. Now it is gone before I know it.
I've been home the entire last week due to illness. I still don't feel ready to return to work, but I have to go. It should be interesting to see how many sentences I can get out before going into a coughing fit. I should make it a game for my students - maybe then they'll actually be listening the first time and I won't have to repeat myself.
It's funny about being sick, though. I crave things that I normally wouldn't. For instance, I don't like tomatoes, but tomato soup is one of the few things I have enjoyed eating this week. I also don't frequent KFC, but I was longing for their mashed potatos the other day, so my good friend Erica was kind enough to get some for me. :-) And I like water, but I have been drinking a lot of it this week. And what happened to losing weight when ill? I think I gained a few pounds instead. I'd like to think it's water weight due to the excessive amount of water I've consumed.
I've probably watched entirely too much television, as well. But I could not focus on anything for very long and there is no thinking required to watch TV. Besides, I usually just fell asleep. It is kind of nice, though, to have an excuse to be a lazy bum for a week, even though it wasn't all that enjoyable.
I've been home the entire last week due to illness. I still don't feel ready to return to work, but I have to go. It should be interesting to see how many sentences I can get out before going into a coughing fit. I should make it a game for my students - maybe then they'll actually be listening the first time and I won't have to repeat myself.
It's funny about being sick, though. I crave things that I normally wouldn't. For instance, I don't like tomatoes, but tomato soup is one of the few things I have enjoyed eating this week. I also don't frequent KFC, but I was longing for their mashed potatos the other day, so my good friend Erica was kind enough to get some for me. :-) And I like water, but I have been drinking a lot of it this week. And what happened to losing weight when ill? I think I gained a few pounds instead. I'd like to think it's water weight due to the excessive amount of water I've consumed.
I've probably watched entirely too much television, as well. But I could not focus on anything for very long and there is no thinking required to watch TV. Besides, I usually just fell asleep. It is kind of nice, though, to have an excuse to be a lazy bum for a week, even though it wasn't all that enjoyable.
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